You Can Do Hard Things
Location: Underway to Richard's Bay
At 1620, on November 19, 2024, I was handed the helm by the one and only Katherine “Freak Wave” Gould. I remained on the helm for the next 12 hours, taking only one potty break, consuming copious amounts of popcorn, and learning the value of a yoga mat. 12-hour helm log: (nautical miles, topics of conversation, snacks. Thoughts? Feelings?) 1620 - Feeling nervous but excited - Quick sprinkle of rain - Hannah, Amanda M, Travis and Philip hung out in the cockpit singing and dancing - Nautical miles: 5639 1700 - Everyone gathered in the cockpit for dinner - Figured out how to helm with one hand and eat with the other - Nautical miles: 5647 1800 - The sun is starting to set - Watch team 3 is on (Allie, Will, Ali, Ava, Ainsley, Philip) - Nautical miles: who knows 1900 - Philip plays “Sticky” (our favorite song) and we jam out in the cockpit - Tomer gave me his yoga mat to stand on that we folded up and put under the helm - Nautical miles: 5661 2000 - Watch team 1 is on (Meg, Gabe, Bodhi, Travis, Kiley, Juliette) - Bodhi made popcorn - It’s pitch black out; not a star in sight - We’re putting up the mainsail. - Nautical miles: 5668 2100 - I’m trying my absolute best to hold the perfect close haul wind angle as we put up the main - It’s still pitch black out, making it even harder to hold course - Feeling extremely stressed - The sail is up and the engine is off - Nautical miles: 5676 2200 - It’s quiet. We haven’t had the engine off in a long time - Sail helm is an adjustment from engine helm - Feeling very tired and still stressed keeping course - My arms hurt - I’m listening to watch team 1’s infamous story time - I take my potty break to put on warmer clothes - Nautical miles: 5682 2300 - Kiley made me hot chocolate but as soon as it was placed down, it flew onto the floor, spilling everywhere and breaking the lid of my mug - I attempted to take a sip of the hot chocolate still in the mug and violently burned my mouth while also getting very off course - Feeling very defeated, on the verge of giving up - Nautical miles: 5690 0000 - MY BOYS ARE BACK (watch team 2 - Ben, Kackie, Hannah, Charlie, Amanda M) - They brought brown butter cookie dough - Suddenly my body doesn’t hurt as bad as it has been - Feeling rejuvenated - Nautical miles: 5698 0100 - We’re playing music - The vibes are exquisite - The stars are back - Nautical miles: 5705 0200 - Amanda M made her delicious kettle corn - Time is flying by - The engine’s back on which brings noise along with it - Nautical miles: 5711 0300 - The conversation is awesome - Learned about Dorito shaped people? - Yoga mat still has phenomenal foot feel - Nautical miles: 5718 0420 - ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWN - Watch team 3 is back on - Watch team 2 is staying in the cockpit for my last 20 minutes - We play and exit song - I’m relieved from the helm at 0420, November 20, 2024, I was quick to get to bed, having not slept in 24 hours, forgetting how to walk on my way back to my cabin. Watch team 3 was on from 0400 to 0800, where they saw an awesome sunrise and dolphins! Watch team 1 relieved them at 0800 for their watch. They were greeted by a friendly swallow, Riley Bird, who eventually ended up in Kackie and Allie’s cabin at some point in the morning. When I woke up later in the morning, I realized that the fish was up!! This is the first time in the program that we’ve had all 6 sails up, and it’s so awesome. The engine went back off at 0630, and we were making around 9 knots with the sails. The quietness without the engine is something we’ve all learned to appreciate. Being able to hear the sound of the water and talk to one another across the cockpit has become a luxury. Kackie, Ben, and I continued our Monopoly Deal tournament this morning, where Kackie earned her first win (finally). We enjoyed Gabe’s okonomiyaki for lunch, followed by Amanda’s announcements song, where she dropped the fourth verse for the first time. The afternoon consisted of Seamanship with Gabe, where we learned about Polynesian sailing with celestial navigation. Then Ben gave us a quick lecture about our literature reviews, and we took our biology quiz. Will then organized a game of chase where we watched some classmates compete to answer oceanography trivia questions. We later had Ma po tofu for dinner, followed by a squeeze, during which we discussed challenging ourselves. To end squeeze, we played a game of Boo Yahhh with Will and Philip, ultimately discovering the wheelbarrow that we had chosen for them. We then took the fish down, which was interrupted by many dolphins off our bow!! The dishy pit also saw a whale! It’s so cool to be seeing so many animals again, and every time, it feels so special. Many of my shipmates have asked why I decided to helm for 12 hours, and the simple answer is, why not? When else in my life will I have the opportunity to helm for 12 hours straight in the middle of the ocean? I made a promise to myself coming into this experience to get absolutely everything I could out of it - practically and intrinsically. A 12-hour helm seemed like the perfect opportunity to push myself in these regards. To be honest, when I first started helming at the beginning of program, I hated it. I was extremely uncomfortable on the helm and could barely last 20 minutes, constantly filled with stress and frustration. Thanks to Kackie and Allie, and through the art of exposure therapy, I have learned to value the peacefulness of helming. It’s still stressful at times, but learning to focus on what’s around me and the feel of the boat rather than having tunnel vision on the screen, I can appreciate the control that I have on the helm. During my 12 hours, my points of reference changed from the sun to the stars, to the clouds, to the feeling of the wind, and back to the stars again. My feelings changed from nerves to excitement, to pain and stress, to a huge sense of accomplishment. I’m extremely grateful to have had the opportunity to give myself this challenge. As Tomer said during squeeze, we all have mental limits that we have set upon ourselves. We don’t know our true limits until they’ve been pushed. We’re all capable of a lot more than we think we are. We just have to temporarily be ok with being uncomfortable and having fear in order to overcome these limits that we think we have. I went into the 12-hour helm thinking that it would be hard, that my feet would hurt, and I’d be tired, but I didn’t expect to be challenged in the ways that I was. I had the privilege of helming through a mainsail raise, helming with the engine on, and helming with the engine off, helming in the dark using just the feeling of the wind. I was uncomfortable at times and scared of others, but I’m grateful for that because I realize how lucky I am to have had experiences special enough to give me those feelings. As Bukie once said, “doing hard things is good for you.”