Location: Komodo, Indonesia
Ok, picture this you’re in a grocery store and you head towards the bakery section hoping to find some delicious muffins. You search around, but all you see are a bunch of babies on shelves. You look to your left and see a mother pushing a muffin in a stroller. WHAT IS GOING ON? You sneeze. Suddenly, you’re a man. Second sneeze. A woman. WHAT. What an unfortunate situation to be in. Only my fellow 22 shipmates and I would be able to unpack this debacle.
Why yes, this is about squeeze. But that just happened, so let’s do what Missy Elliot would say and “put that thing down, flip it, and reverse it” to the start of the day. Today is September 24. Only 9 days until the new Taylor Swift album is released. Henry is especially excited. There’s only one way to wake up the boat. The answer you may be asking? I Did Something Bad by the one and only Taylor Alison Swift. Really sets the tone for the day. Gets the blood goin’. Nothing gets me more hype than listening to the soon-to-be wife of Travis Kelce (shout out, sports).
Ok, where were we Payton is baking an oatmeal bake. Destiny is screaming, singing Fifteen by Tay Tay into her toothbrush at this point, and Rai-Ching is already organizing the tool cubbies for Mac and Riley (everything perfectly located for easy accessibility).
We all gather in the cockpit and enjoy the delicious breakfast that Payton provided for us. Riley carried my bowl to the dishy pit (shout out Ry Dawg). Ok DIVEINGGGGG!
In the voice of David Attenborough, DEEPER THAN EVER BEFORE our beloved 11 almost advanced divers DESCEND. Deep down to the depths. Somewhere no human has ever gone before. Somewhere, a tomato is no longer red. And an egg can’t fully crack. Only the most heroic of humans will ever dare to equalize their ears and descend.
Pasta salad. A whole kilo of salami that the Bali supermarket workers gave me, a really hard time over. Creamy French dressing. I wanted Italian, but France is close to Italy, so it’s fine. Cheese. Mozzarella was on the menu, but someone did not follow their ingredient list, leaving Payton and her sous chefs, Fin and Maia, in a massive dilemma. Only I, Emma, could solve. Gouda. OLIVES. all colors. By all, I mean two. Black and green. Perry can’t see green. He’s color blind. Sorry Perry. We saw a rainbow today, but all Perry saw was yellow. I feel bad for Perry because I really like rainbows.
Drifting. I’m in a dinghy. I dangle my little feet over the side. Bubbles. An SMB. It’s pink, good choice, Zoe. I thought about whale sharks. 3:30 pm. Potatoes.
“Vela, Vela, Vela, Emma”
“Go for Vela”
“Hey, can someone start cutting up potatoes? I’ve got all three chefs in the water.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
The divers ascend. RAIN. We made it back. Safe and sound.
French fry-shaped potatoes. Perfect. Burger bowls are on the way. Taco cat goat cheese pizza. Sounds like a meal that would cost you $89.99 in France. Apparently, it’s not a meal. It’s a card game. Alice is really good at it. Scarlette will get there soon.
Muffin. Or is it a baby? Lord only knows. I sneeze. Shoot. I sneeze again. Thank God. Oh, how I love being a woman. I know you’re confused. The squeeze question? “Would you rather switch genders every time you sneeze, or not be able to tell the difference between a muffin and a baby?” Zeke likes the sneeze alternative. Weird reason why. Rai-Ching has the best answer. Apparently, Zoe knows a lot about dissociative identity disorder. I don’t want to give birth to a muffin.
That’s today. Thanks for tuning in!
Emma